Sex is supposed to be fun. Right, Mom...?

We live in a society that constantly bombards us with highly sexualized images, especially of women, on a daily basis.  It's an incredibly disproportionate balance when compared  to how it is still considered taboo for women to speak openly about their sexuality. And yet, it is acceptable to hyper sexualize women of all ages through ads to sell products. I grew up in a pretty conservative Catholic household where talking about sex was like talking about going on a shooting rampage, it never happened (although the latter was far more likely). Not that it's unusual for kids to grow up in a family where it's uncomfortable to talk about BJs with your Dad, but, growing up, I wasn't even allowed to watch the TV show Friends because of the "premarital sex" that was far too prevalent on the show for my virgin eyes. (Remind me to thank my mom for keeping me almost permanently out of TV gossip loop in the 7th grade.)  I am mature and evolved enough now to understand that my parents sheltered me out of love, but that doesn't mean it is a practice I would necessarily encourage. A lot of what I learned about sex as a kid came from watching Beverly Hills 90210 (another show blacklisted from the Fresquez family TV screen) and Madonna videos (majorly blackballed as well). I was a sneaky kid.  Back then, the extent to which my parents would talk about sex was telling my siblings and I that sex before marriage is a sin and that we shouldn't do it. END. OF. STORY.

But there is so much more to the story! SPOILER ALERT: Sex, as it turns out, is not evil or wrong or sinful, but an extraordinary part of our human experience that we should be able to discuss in a non-judgmental, trusting, compassionate environment with the people we love. I'm not encouraging kids and teens to get out there and have at it (there can be, unfortunately, physical and emotional consequences to sex especially at a young age), but if they have questions or concerns, they should be able to speak openly and without judgment to their parents or another adult who will be honest with them.  Perhaps that's why Melissa Tapper Goldman's work, which I featured on my show, resonated with me.  Through her documentary, Subjectified, and Tumblr, 'Do Tell' featured in the Huffington Post, Goldman has identified a problem among young men and women living in America today: "many people, particularly women, don't have the opportunity to speak safely and openly about sex."

Melissa Tapper Goldman

Starting at very young age, members of our communities like parents, teachers, religious leaders and friends repeatedly reinforce the idea that sex is a sinful, dangerous, slutty, dirty, whore-ish act that can lead to awful things like pregnancy, STDs, slut-shaming and emotional trauma. As a result, we have to "protect ourselves" and "save ourselves for marriage." The problem with many of these terms and the overall approach of steering young women toward abstinence is that many are based in fear. And I have to say, it certainly worked on me as a young girl! I was totally freaked out about sex. I was also certain that I would get pregnant the first time and be "slut-shamed" for the rest of my life. And by the way, I really, really hate that word, but it happens to women all the time.

Nothing great can come from fear-mongering because 1.) if it "succeeds," it perpetuates ignorance, and 2.) if it "fails," it still perpetuates ignorance and worse still, shame. Hmmm, maybe we should try a different tactic. How about...honesty? And isn't that all young people want, to be told the truth? We all eventually grow up and make our own decisions anyway so wouldn't it be far more advantageous to make informed decisions, rather than those which are made out of fear, ignorance or embarrassment?  It's difficult enough for young women to get a grip on their sexual identity in a culture that sexually objectifies woman in order to sell an image and then simultaneously labels that woman a whore for being sexual.  It is an archaic and outdated attitude that is not only hypocritical but demeaning and destructive to women.  

The idea of raising a daughter in 2013, to me, is not only surreal but kind of terrifying. Just the thought of having the responsibility to guide her and watch her grow up in a world where outdated, paternalistic attitudes towards women still dominate is enough to make me feel a tad overwhelmed. The good news is that we don't have to accept it.  We can empower ourselves and other women around us by being the friend, parent, sibling, acquaintance who listens and does not judge, does not slut-shame, and does not allow the media's hyper-sexualization of youth to dictate or define the perceptions of vulnerable young boys and girls.

Besides, sex is supposed to be fun. So can everybody just relax already?

Meet the Panel...

Dr. Patti Britton (board certified clinical sexologist)

Dr. Robert Dunlap (board certified clinical sexologist)

Melissa Tapper Goldman (filmmaker & sex advocate) 

Humberto Guida (host of LATV's  Latin Nation, writer, comedian)

Amy Horton (creator of MsSexintheValley on YouTube; Dirty & Thirty contributor)

Listen to Gab It Up Ep. 2 Sex & Relationships 

The future of ethnic minorities on TV? Ambiguous.

If you are any kind of ethnic minority working in Hollywood, you're used to the usual conversations about how prime time TV and most major motion pictures lack diversity. Well, that's because it's true. We do have a long way to go. The media plays a major role in determining our perceptions of people who look different, and for those of us in the industry, it's important to be aware and contribute to the expansion of ideas and narratives that reflect the type of cultural diversity we wish to see more of.  In other words, we need to be the change we want to see. Thanks, Gandhi.

That said, to be quite frank, the entertainment is a tough racket for actors of any color. And I thank the Lord that being considered "ethnically ambiguous" in this business is actually a good thing, especially in advertising. Since I began my acting career, I've auditioned for numerous national commercials in the Hispanic and general market for all kinds of major fast-food chains, tech devices, banks, insurance companies, cars, beer etc. and a vast majority of these auditions specifically seek out actors with a ethnically ambiguous look. Obviously, the corporate world is hip to the fact that if they want to increase their profits, they need to appeal everyone. Personally, I don't think I've ever bought a product because of what the person in the ad looked like, but then again, I might just be oblivious at this point due to the constant bombardment of subliminal messaging that I am surrounded by every day.

Meet the Panel... (clockwise from top)
Jorge Diaz (actor & star of the hit Hulu series East Los High and Paranormal Activity: the Marked Ones)
Wade Allain-Marcus (actor)
Santana Dempsey (actress)
Kenneth Castillo (filmmaker)
Gloria Garayua (actress & star of web series Fixing Paco) 

During a panel discussion on the topic (Gab It Up, Ep. 1: listen to full interview here: http://livesircuit.com/gabitup/), Jorge Diaz mentioned that he has witnessed a change in the media's ability to authentically reflect diversity within the commercial Spanish-language market:  

"If you watch Spanish-language commercials, you can see the change in that...you have artsy lookin' kids, nerdy lookin' guys and they're all Hispanic and they hardly represent what we normally see in movies like the gardeners, the immigrant guy...Those things are beautiful when they're beautifully written, but a lot of times they're not beautifully written."

Could this nuanced portrayal of Hispanics in commercial advertising be a small beacon of hope that the media's portrayal of this particular group is changing or at least evolving to a degree? Maybe. But as Jorge suggested, it's not the stereotypes themselves that are the problem because stereotypes exist within all cultures. I think what's more important is whether the individual character's story is being told in a way that paints a complex and dynamic picture of who they are as a human being. A good actor will play the stereotype, a great actor will tell the story and an even better actor will change our opinion about the stereotype until it no longer exists. Of course, this is a lot easier with great writers, a great director and a multi-million dollar budget, but, as Kenneth Castillo mentioned, even movies that are rife with stereotypes such as A Better Life - the Oscar-nominated film about an immigrant father from Mexico who works as a gardener to contribute to a better future for his young son - can center around characters with enormous emotional depth and complexity.

Once again, it comes back to us, the minorities, the underrepresented, the mutts, the ones who don't fit into a particular "box," as Santana Dempsey described it. Sure, we have a long way to go, but we can be damn sure it will be even longer if we don't start creating the changes we want to see within our own communities right now.

Maybe we can learn something from Carlos Gutierrez, who, after having both his legs cut off by extortionists in Mexico and fleeing the country with his family, continues to advocate for fellow asylum-seekers fleeing corruption in Mexico through an organization called Pedaling for Justice http://pedalingforjustice.org/ which he is able to participate in through the use of prosthetic legs.  His strength and resilience are enough to make you believe that anything is possible, and that the human spirit is one of the strongest forces that exists in this world.

Now there's an inspirational screenplay--I mean story--for you. Well, I mean...if it were to be, say, beautifully written, that is.