Sex is supposed to be fun. Right, Mom...?

We live in a society that constantly bombards us with highly sexualized images, especially of women, on a daily basis.  It's an incredibly disproportionate balance when compared  to how it is still considered taboo for women to speak openly about their sexuality. And yet, it is acceptable to hyper sexualize women of all ages through ads to sell products. I grew up in a pretty conservative Catholic household where talking about sex was like talking about going on a shooting rampage, it never happened (although the latter was far more likely). Not that it's unusual for kids to grow up in a family where it's uncomfortable to talk about BJs with your Dad, but, growing up, I wasn't even allowed to watch the TV show Friends because of the "premarital sex" that was far too prevalent on the show for my virgin eyes. (Remind me to thank my mom for keeping me almost permanently out of TV gossip loop in the 7th grade.)  I am mature and evolved enough now to understand that my parents sheltered me out of love, but that doesn't mean it is a practice I would necessarily encourage. A lot of what I learned about sex as a kid came from watching Beverly Hills 90210 (another show blacklisted from the Fresquez family TV screen) and Madonna videos (majorly blackballed as well). I was a sneaky kid.  Back then, the extent to which my parents would talk about sex was telling my siblings and I that sex before marriage is a sin and that we shouldn't do it. END. OF. STORY.

But there is so much more to the story! SPOILER ALERT: Sex, as it turns out, is not evil or wrong or sinful, but an extraordinary part of our human experience that we should be able to discuss in a non-judgmental, trusting, compassionate environment with the people we love. I'm not encouraging kids and teens to get out there and have at it (there can be, unfortunately, physical and emotional consequences to sex especially at a young age), but if they have questions or concerns, they should be able to speak openly and without judgment to their parents or another adult who will be honest with them.  Perhaps that's why Melissa Tapper Goldman's work, which I featured on my show, resonated with me.  Through her documentary, Subjectified, and Tumblr, 'Do Tell' featured in the Huffington Post, Goldman has identified a problem among young men and women living in America today: "many people, particularly women, don't have the opportunity to speak safely and openly about sex."

Melissa Tapper Goldman

Starting at very young age, members of our communities like parents, teachers, religious leaders and friends repeatedly reinforce the idea that sex is a sinful, dangerous, slutty, dirty, whore-ish act that can lead to awful things like pregnancy, STDs, slut-shaming and emotional trauma. As a result, we have to "protect ourselves" and "save ourselves for marriage." The problem with many of these terms and the overall approach of steering young women toward abstinence is that many are based in fear. And I have to say, it certainly worked on me as a young girl! I was totally freaked out about sex. I was also certain that I would get pregnant the first time and be "slut-shamed" for the rest of my life. And by the way, I really, really hate that word, but it happens to women all the time.

Nothing great can come from fear-mongering because 1.) if it "succeeds," it perpetuates ignorance, and 2.) if it "fails," it still perpetuates ignorance and worse still, shame. Hmmm, maybe we should try a different tactic. How about...honesty? And isn't that all young people want, to be told the truth? We all eventually grow up and make our own decisions anyway so wouldn't it be far more advantageous to make informed decisions, rather than those which are made out of fear, ignorance or embarrassment?  It's difficult enough for young women to get a grip on their sexual identity in a culture that sexually objectifies woman in order to sell an image and then simultaneously labels that woman a whore for being sexual.  It is an archaic and outdated attitude that is not only hypocritical but demeaning and destructive to women.  

The idea of raising a daughter in 2013, to me, is not only surreal but kind of terrifying. Just the thought of having the responsibility to guide her and watch her grow up in a world where outdated, paternalistic attitudes towards women still dominate is enough to make me feel a tad overwhelmed. The good news is that we don't have to accept it.  We can empower ourselves and other women around us by being the friend, parent, sibling, acquaintance who listens and does not judge, does not slut-shame, and does not allow the media's hyper-sexualization of youth to dictate or define the perceptions of vulnerable young boys and girls.

Besides, sex is supposed to be fun. So can everybody just relax already?

Meet the Panel...

Dr. Patti Britton (board certified clinical sexologist)

Dr. Robert Dunlap (board certified clinical sexologist)

Melissa Tapper Goldman (filmmaker & sex advocate) 

Humberto Guida (host of LATV's  Latin Nation, writer, comedian)

Amy Horton (creator of MsSexintheValley on YouTube; Dirty & Thirty contributor)

Listen to Gab It Up Ep. 2 Sex & Relationships 

The future of ethnic minorities on TV? Ambiguous.

If you are any kind of ethnic minority working in Hollywood, you're used to the usual conversations about how prime time TV and most major motion pictures lack diversity. Well, that's because it's true. We do have a long way to go. The media plays a major role in determining our perceptions of people who look different, and for those of us in the industry, it's important to be aware and contribute to the expansion of ideas and narratives that reflect the type of cultural diversity we wish to see more of.  In other words, we need to be the change we want to see. Thanks, Gandhi.

That said, to be quite frank, the entertainment is a tough racket for actors of any color. And I thank the Lord that being considered "ethnically ambiguous" in this business is actually a good thing, especially in advertising. Since I began my acting career, I've auditioned for numerous national commercials in the Hispanic and general market for all kinds of major fast-food chains, tech devices, banks, insurance companies, cars, beer etc. and a vast majority of these auditions specifically seek out actors with a ethnically ambiguous look. Obviously, the corporate world is hip to the fact that if they want to increase their profits, they need to appeal everyone. Personally, I don't think I've ever bought a product because of what the person in the ad looked like, but then again, I might just be oblivious at this point due to the constant bombardment of subliminal messaging that I am surrounded by every day.

Meet the Panel... (clockwise from top)
Jorge Diaz (actor & star of the hit Hulu series East Los High and Paranormal Activity: the Marked Ones)
Wade Allain-Marcus (actor)
Santana Dempsey (actress)
Kenneth Castillo (filmmaker)
Gloria Garayua (actress & star of web series Fixing Paco) 

During a panel discussion on the topic (Gab It Up, Ep. 1: listen to full interview here: http://livesircuit.com/gabitup/), Jorge Diaz mentioned that he has witnessed a change in the media's ability to authentically reflect diversity within the commercial Spanish-language market:  

"If you watch Spanish-language commercials, you can see the change in that...you have artsy lookin' kids, nerdy lookin' guys and they're all Hispanic and they hardly represent what we normally see in movies like the gardeners, the immigrant guy...Those things are beautiful when they're beautifully written, but a lot of times they're not beautifully written."

Could this nuanced portrayal of Hispanics in commercial advertising be a small beacon of hope that the media's portrayal of this particular group is changing or at least evolving to a degree? Maybe. But as Jorge suggested, it's not the stereotypes themselves that are the problem because stereotypes exist within all cultures. I think what's more important is whether the individual character's story is being told in a way that paints a complex and dynamic picture of who they are as a human being. A good actor will play the stereotype, a great actor will tell the story and an even better actor will change our opinion about the stereotype until it no longer exists. Of course, this is a lot easier with great writers, a great director and a multi-million dollar budget, but, as Kenneth Castillo mentioned, even movies that are rife with stereotypes such as A Better Life - the Oscar-nominated film about an immigrant father from Mexico who works as a gardener to contribute to a better future for his young son - can center around characters with enormous emotional depth and complexity.

Once again, it comes back to us, the minorities, the underrepresented, the mutts, the ones who don't fit into a particular "box," as Santana Dempsey described it. Sure, we have a long way to go, but we can be damn sure it will be even longer if we don't start creating the changes we want to see within our own communities right now.

Maybe we can learn something from Carlos Gutierrez, who, after having both his legs cut off by extortionists in Mexico and fleeing the country with his family, continues to advocate for fellow asylum-seekers fleeing corruption in Mexico through an organization called Pedaling for Justice http://pedalingforjustice.org/ which he is able to participate in through the use of prosthetic legs.  His strength and resilience are enough to make you believe that anything is possible, and that the human spirit is one of the strongest forces that exists in this world.

Now there's an inspirational screenplay--I mean story--for you. Well, I mean...if it were to be, say, beautifully written, that is.

Social Media: My Virtual Vision Board

Earlier this year I made a goal sheet about two pages long, divided up into long-term and short-term, with subcategories, dates and color-coding. Ok, I'm a tad type-A. One of these goals included creating a vision board. My intention was to buy a cork board upon which I would post up photos and clippings of things that represented goals I wished to attain, goals accomplished and things that would inspire those goals in an effort to keep myself motivated. It was early January. I was feeling ambitious. As is the case with most of our new-year, new-me intentions go, it ended up on the low-priority list. However, I’m proud to say that I eventually completed it after many months of procrastination.

What I didn’t realize is that, in a way, I had been actively contributing to (and benefiting from) my vision board all year long. Only I was using a different, more public medium: social media.

Only, on social media, a different term has emerged to define this kind of visionary “projection,” it’s called image-crafting. Image-crafting, in the context with which I’ll be using it, is the process of creating a public image or persona for oneself through social media posts, tweets, status updates and photos or videos on Pintrest, Tumblr, Instagram, Vine, etc.  However, in contrast to physically producing photos or quotes on a vision board, I was sharing similar information about myself in a more active and public format through social media. For example, instead of tacking a piece of a paper with an inspirational quote on it or a sheet of sides for an audition I was particularly proud of onto my vision board, I would post it to Facebook.

I became hyper aware of my own of image-crafting when I read a blog on the Huffington Post called, 7 Ways To Be Insufferable on Facebook (full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/annoying-facebook-behavior_b_4081038.html) Just like it sounds, the article painstakingly and very humorously pointed out all of the ways in which we Facebook users are egregiously abusing the privilege of the status update. I cringed at the idea that I was probably among the culprits. The author breaks these annoying abuses into several categories and subcategories such as the “humble brag,” “the cryptic cliffhanger,” “the literal status update,” “the incredibly obvious opinion,” and my favorite, “the out of nowhere Oscar acceptance speech.” I want to focus on the “brag” – more specifically, the “I’m living quite the life” brag.  I identify with this one the most, because well, my life is PERFECT!

- cue crickets -

Alright. Ya got me. Slight exaggeration. Truth be told, I have mounds of student loan debt, I am still without health insurance and as a struggling actress, I’ve worked all kinds of odd jobs to pay them pesky bills. And let me tell you, working in the service industry is a very, VERY humbling experience. I'm also a regular human being with insecurities and moments of self-doubt. Shocker.  Now you know the real me. Kind of.   

But hey, it’s 2013 and we’re all much more plugged-in, social media savvy people. I’ll bet that you’ve posted a success story or twenty on Facebook before, eh? Maybe a hilarious Some ECard or some words of wisdom that helped you through a tough time? I would also bet that you’ve run into an old friend or an acquaintance in person and had a conversation that went something like this: “Hey how are you? What’s new?”…”Not much. But I’ve seen your Facebook updates and you seem to be doing quite well!!” For some of you, it’s very true. You are killing it at life – maybe a parking ticket or two but for the most part, you have little to complain about. For others, there’s often a moment of having that inner monologue that says “Should I tell her that I just lost my job? Does he have to know that I can’t pay my mortgage or that my kid just got suspended?  I really think it’s best that I leave out the fact that I just got divorced…”

As an actress who updates her status on the daily, I go through this on almost a weekly basis. Because for me, social media is platform to share my successes, even the small ones, with my friends. Not because my life is so interesting or I’m so amazing and talented, but because it’s like a mini-celebration that, in my mind, gives me the opportunity to put something positive out into the universe for whomever cares to read it.  Conversely, it gives me the opportunity to support the people within my network of friends and followers by leaving them an encouraging comment or even something as simple as a “like.” It is my belief that one cannot celebrate the victories that life has to offer enough. Now there’s an entire Internet community out there to celebrate with. And who doesn’t love a party?   

While I am no way insinuating that social media can or should replace good ‘ol face-to-face action or individual self-reflection, it can serve as a unique way to connect, communicate and project the kind of positivity that you would like to ultimately see penetrate every area of your life, career and relationships.  

And what, if anything, are we here for if not to celebrate and share what you are most passionate about in life with the world? That might mean landing your dream job or completing your first 10k.  Positivity is contagious. If used correctly and respectfully, the concept of image-crafting through social media, whether you’re marketing yourself or your business, can yield substantial, even life-altering results. I have signed with a talent manager, gotten auditions, career referrals, a meeting with a very successful TV screenwriter and a job hosting a nationally-syndicated talk show all as a direct result of sharing the mini victories surrounding what I am most passionate about in life on social media. Of course all of this was coupled with hard work and persistence over a long period of time, but the point is, I shared the precious pieces of my vision board with the universe, and the universe replied. 

SHUTDOWN!

So, that happened... now what?

If you're anything like me, you're wondering what the HELL is going on in DC? In case, you've been asleep for the last month or so, lemme recap real' quick:

1. Sept. 16: Aaron Alexis fatally shot twelve people and injured three others in a mass shooting at the headquarters of the Naval Sea Systems Command.

2. Oct. 1: The House and Senate STILL can't agree on a bill to fund the government resulting in a GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN. (Apparently this also happened in 1995 so I can keep my "Repent!" picket sign stashed in my closet a 'lil longer.)

3. Oct. 3:  A woman tried to ram her car, with a young child inside, through a White House barricade Thursday and then led police in a chase toward the Capitol, where police shot and killed her. Fun times.

4. Oct. 4: A man set himself on fire on the National Mall in the nation's capital. The reason for the self-immolation is still unclear. He died later that night.  Is Washington DC the new Tibet?

Is anyone else the least bit creeped out by all of this or am I just being paranoid? I'm not sure what to make of  the recent violence, governmental instability and subsequent violence that has plagued our capitol in recent days, but I'm starting to feel a little hesitant about taking up my friend who works at the State Department on his offer for a tour of the Pentagon. Call me crazy. For those of you who might think I'm overreacting, you're probably right. There are plenty of mentally unstable people out there and this is all probably just a series of completely isolated incidences that in no way are related to the polarized political climate in which we live. 

Ok, I'll play you're game. So, isolated, sensational acts of violence aside, let's look instead at the consequential day-to-day reality of how the government shutdown has or has not impacted most U.S. citizens. Ya know, those of who have not yet taken to bulldozing the White House gates with or Prius or, um, lighting ourselves on fire.  

So, like, beyond the delayed federal benefits and 800,000 furloughed workers, whose jobs are considered "nonessential," how is the shutdown affecting our daily lives? (Oh and b-t-dubs, what exactly is a non-essential federal program?) According to the Washington Post, there is more at stake than Panda cams and trips to Mt. Rushmore:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2013/10/02/21-surprising-effects-of-the-government-shutdown-you-havent-heard-about/

So, after reviewing the article, here are some highlights: whales are screwed, Obama's family is down by 75 White House caretakers, transportation workers are having a good 'ol time not worrying about being drug-tested, consumers (but let's be, honest, Californians mostly) will have to blindly accept that foods labeled "organic" actually are and lastly, "wild horse and burro adoptions will stall," along with my heart as it skips a beat in horror.

Ok so there are some slightly more legitimate concerns to consider. For example, assistance to towns impacted by the recent flooding in Colorado could be delayed, the Department of Homeland Security will stop civil liberties complaint lines and investigation, and charges of on-the-job discrimination complaints won't be investigated until further notice. Sucks if you're these people. Right? 

But, alas, most of us aren't those people. I think. So this whole shutdown business can be confusing, frustrating and seemingly entirely pointless. From what I can surmise, and I am no political expert, the GOP is holding the U.S. government hostage until it gets it's way. All because it disagrees with a law that has already been passed. It kind of reminds me of when my five-year-old nephew would be on a time-out from playing video games for not playing nice, but would then hide the controllers from the rest of his cousins so no one else could play in the mean time. 

Bratty five-year-olds. Yep, that's what this whole thing reminds me of. So, congress, if you won't listen to reason, listen to Britney, and get to work bitch. Yours truly, everyone.
http://www.eonline.com/news/465956/britney-spears-to-congress-work-bitch